Show Time
by thats-all-you-know
Summary: Sirius is left to entertain Lily whilst she is stuck in bed, heavily pregnant. One-shot! Better than it sounds!


"JAMES!"

"You've been called, mate..." Sirius Black muttered to his best friend. They were sat in front of the little black box watching in fear as it flashed different pictures.

"_JAMES!" _The voice shrieked again. James jumped up just as there was a loud explosion on the box. He ran up the stairs a bit faster than before.

"Yes, my flower?" He asked innocently, pulling puppy dog eyes.

"Don't you try acting like you didn't hear me, James Potter, Harry wants some chocolate chip and mint ice cream..." Lily said before putting another chocolate in her mouth.

James looked at his pregnant wife, already dreading the moaning to come, when after she had the baby, and she put on a load of weight thanks to her cravings...

"It's James Jr, actually..." James muttered but Lily still heard.

"James, we are _not _naming this baby after you. I don't want Harry to be cursed with the same childish antics as his father! Your immaturity will be the death of you, James Henry Potter! And he will _not _be on the Quidditch team either, it's such a ridiculous dangerous game! And..."

James walked out the room before Lily could reach the climax of her rant which generally was several octaves higher than a shrieking hag. Even though his wife had just insulted him and one of his main reasons to live, he still loved her very dearly and had worked too hard to get her to let this get in between them. He'd just have to convince Lily to name the baby Harry _James _Potter. That's what you call a compromise.

James walked back into the living room to see Sirius cowering behind the sofa.

"Hey mate, don't forget that they can't get you..." He chuckled.

"Yeah, well...you didn't see _that! _It looked like Filch turned inside with Mrs Norris shoved up his ass. It was _not _pretty!" Sirius replied with a terrified expression on his face.

"Yeah, well, I gotta go down to the shop to get some ice cream." James said as he shrugged on his rain coat as it was tipping it down.

"Let me guess, mint ice cream with chocolate chips? Your wife is gonna look like a whale once the babe's been born..." Sirius shook his head trying to shake the image of Lily with a take like a whale away.

"Shut up, don't let her hear you say that, she'll remove your favourite body parts and you know which ones I mean...See ya!"

"Just great..." Sirius muttered, "left alone with a pregnant women who's eating enough for an army and her hormones all out of whack!" Sirius thought women were confusing even when they were crying all the time and the next second screaming at you to get them something to eat.

"SIRIUS!"

_Oh bugger, _Sirus thought. He lazily got up from his hiding place and trudged towards the stairs, wondering what on earth Lily could want now.

"Yeah?" He answered when he walked into the room.

"I'm bored." Lily whined as she tried shifting around to get more comfortable.

"What do you want me to do? Should I go get the... uh... the um, you know the...thing?" Sirius struggled to remember what the terrifying box that made weird noises and trapped people was called.

"TV? NO! Don't be so bloody lazy! You entertain me!" Lily said forcefully.

" Me? Well, uhhh, what should I do?" Sirius sounded confused.

"I don't know, dance or sing or something..." Lily said distractedly, whilst examining her nails.

"Dance? _Sing?_" Sirius said incredulously.

"That's what I said, wasn't it?"

"Well, Lils, I can't sing or dance, can't I read to you or something?" He said sounding desperate.

"Nope, I want you to sing _and _dance, to Harry." Lily decided.

Sirius recognized that tone of voice. It meant that if he didn't do as she said then he was gonna see one angry Lily Potter, which most definitely didn't want to see especially considering she was pregnant. Lily would probably hex him or worse...

Sirius thought hardly about what he could sing. What _could _you sing when all you knew were nursery rhymes, whilst still appear manly, and try not to make a fool of yourself when there is one of those ridiculous high notes (that nursery rhymes _always _have) and your voice is deep and will probably break?

"C'mon, I'm getting even more bored and I might just have to amuse myself with my wand aiming at you." Lily whined.

"Uh..." Sirius started. " Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall..."

"STOP!"

"What?"

"You're not dancing!" Lily shrieked. Sirius started worrying about the baby's wearfare with Lily shrieking like that so he quickly started doing a little jig.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall," Sirius sang and wiggled his bum and shoulders at the same time. "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..." Sirius did a dramatic fall, whilst trying to click his fingers to an imaginary beat.

"All the kings horses," Sirius pretendded his was riding a horse around the room, "and all the kings men," He mimed being a noble prince slashing around his invisible sword, "couldn't put Humpty together again." Sirius made a big show of trying to fix something and it not working, so he pretended to cry.

"Encore! Encore!" Lily cried whilst applauded lightly.

"What? No!"

"Encore!" Lily said more forcefully.

Sirius sighed and started again.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall," Sirius sang and wiggled his bum and shoulders at the same time, flicking his hair around this time. "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..." Sirius did a dramatic fall, whilst trying to click his fingers to an imaginary beat again.

"All the kings horses," Sirius pretendded his was riding a horse around the room, "and all the kings men," He mimed being a noble prince slashing around his invisible sword, "couldn't put Humpty together again." Sirius made a big show of trying to fix something and it not working, so he pretended to cry, he then bowed dramatically.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

Sirius jumped a foot in the air, screaming very high-pitched. Behind him in the doorway was not only James, but Remus as well. He quickly tried to deepen his voice.

"Nothing, man." He replied.

"That was not nothing!" James exclaimed whilst Remus said, "Were you singing Humpty Dumpty? Why?"

"Lily told me to!" Sirius defended himself. He looked over at Lily, hoping she would stick up for him but she was laughing so hard that she had tears running down her face. Realization dawned on him.

"You set me up!" He accused, narrowing his eyes at her.

"You...were...they..were...there..." Was all she managed to get out between her pelts of laughter.

"How long were you stood there?"

"Well, we heard Lily say 'encore' when we just got up the top of the stairs..." Remus drifted off.

"So you saw the _whole _thing?" Sirius asked hesitantly, hoping the answer was no.

"Yeah, they were, I heard them come in through the door so I asked you to do it again, just for them..." Lily answered for them, once she'd calmed down.

"So, Padfoot, wanna give us another one? Perhaps do a funky Alphabet song, huh?"


End file.
